New Year’s Resolutions are about making changes.
One’s we say we really want,
yet for some reason so often do not achieve.
The real difficulty in making a change, fulfilling a New Year’s Resolution, is ensuring there is alignment between your resolution and all aspects of yourself. Without alignment you will be fighting yourself, until you give up. This process undermines your confidence and personal power.
Successful changes start with alignment. That is with every aspect of yourself on the same side, just like any team. Ensuring alignment within you is just like negotiating with any team. You need to clarify the goal and understand everyone’s perspective of it. The difference being it’s your innermost team that you are negotiating with. It is so important to understand that you have these innermost aspects, your values, needs, desires, beliefs and previous decisions.
While some of your innermost aspects are the same for all humans, many more are personal and individual. You need to be aware of the different aspects, how they impact on each of your goals, intentions, in order to negotiate alignment. To do that it is essential you take ownership of your life. Here I am referring to the ability to distinguish your own beliefs, needs and desires, from someone else’s. That is, those that we have taken on, rather than what we want and accept as our own.
The things you believe you ‘should’ and ‘ought’ to do are those that you have learnt you are suppose to do and want. They are not necessarily what you really want to do. When this is or could be the situation it is important to examine the aspect and consider if you want to keep or replace it, which might sound easy. Unfortunately one core belief is we ought to do the ‘right’ thing and what we ‘ought’ and ‘should’ do are presented as the ‘right things’.
Doing the ‘right’ thing seems like a brilliant idea to me.
Indeed our very survival can depend on us doing the ‘right’ thing.
But what is the ‘right’ thing? Especially what is the ‘right’ thing for you as an individual? A second core unfortunate learning many of us we have is the idea that what we, as an individual’, want is ‘wrong’ and or ‘bad’. As a consequence we prefer to tackle what we ‘ought’ and ‘should’ do because we do have the higher priority to do the ‘right’ thing and survive!
But what if what we want is not ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’?
What if it is more that we haven’t found, yet, a ‘right’ way to do it.
I LOVE the ad in which a little boy was always pushing his sister. How bad and wrong is that right! His parents really struggled with the situation; the boy just had such a drive to push his sister, that he kept doing it no matter how much his parents tried to stop him. Then his parents got creative and brought a swing.
The boy pushed and pushed and pushed his sister,
what was initially thought to be bad and wrong.
Yet now everyone was happy!
The difference was that his drive,
his desire had been guided in a productive direction,
a way that lead everyone to be happy.
So I ask: What if the issue for you to have what you really want, to successful achieve your New Year’s Resolution, is simply you haven’t learnt how to be creative enough, or patient enough to explore your desires and their value? What if what the first step is to give your self permission to go for what you want, in a respectful and caring way? And listen to your innermost communication so you can set goals and intentions that align all your aspects…
Happy New Year Everyone!
May 2017 be a year of Expanding Creativity and
Respectful Satisfactions all round!