One of the reasons enhancing communication skills is so valuable.
Once upon a time, I was deeply loved and I loved that man in return with sooo much of my heart. Yet I was young. My communication skills were poor and at the time I did not know it. We had a positive relationship seeing each other often and enjoying each others company significantly. Not everything was ideal, as described by society, due to an aspect of his nature. Yet, due to my nature, I was comfortable with what many were not. To me it was just part of who he was.
There came a time when he was going through a rather rough patch, the loss of three he loved as dearly as me, indeed likely more so. Thinking of my acceptance he stated ‘you would accept anything I did’. I knew, instantly in my bones, this was not true. But had no way of articulating it. I needed space to think it through. I got up to move away. He begged me to stay. I could not, nor could I say why. I had no words for what was happening inside of me. The situation spiralled into disaster so fast, so very fast. I do not know how. But our relationship was so broken in the moment it was suddenly over. My inability to clearly speak my truth, at the time, meant there was enormous damage and no way to repair it.
More recently another love breached a boundary such I needed us to be separated. He was so cross, so very cross. Yet I was able to clearly articulate the ‘why’. I do not know if all the damage can be repaired but this time I know I was clear and the choice is his. It is only now that I can see what went wrong that other horrendous time. The pain between the two situations is so different.
In the first it was a pain that ripped me apart to the very core of my being. I was broken, deeply broken. This time I see with clarity the ‘why’, the value in standing by my truth and in being able to speak it. It still hurts. A lot. This hurt is a great sadness rather than a breaking. It is a strengthening that comes from being true to oneself while respecting another.
The key for me is the choice that comes from clarity of my truth and expressing it. In knowing my highest values and living by them. Knowing our truth, our values means we can choose to live by them and articulate them so others can choose to live by them or not. With out this we toss around not understanding our pain or how to reduce it. The pain of not knowing, of tossing around on someone else’s boat is horrendous; I know I have lived it.
As a consequence, I highly recommend that you stop and take the time to identify your core values and truth, so you can live true to yours.