The Importance of Self-Care

Monday 24th of July is International Self-Care Day.   In honor of the day lets acknowledge the importance of Self-Care and consider how we can enhance our Self-Care skills.  For Self-Care is our first and primary role and responsibility.   It is about honoring our health and wellbeing, as well those around us.

Effective Self-Care is the practice of constructively paying attention to, and fulfilling one’s own needs, so as to nourish and maintain one’s health and wellbeing.

Constructively refers to being effective and respectful, respectful of our self as well as of others.  To be effective and respectful we must be aware of our own needs, be able to distinguish our self from others and recognise that we have separate and often different needs and desires.   We need to believe in our ability to fulfil those needs, while considering others’.  Finally we need the skills to consider varies options, before selecting and actioning the most appropriate way to have the need(s) meet.

As a babe we did not hesitate to let others know our needs until others fulfilled them, or we learnt helplessness.   As we grew we developed skills to fulfill our needs and desires or remained in a space of learnt helplessness and decided we wouldn’t have what we wanted.   Some of us learnt effective Self-Care skills.  We were empowered.   The result being we had the skills for a fulfilling and satisfying life; we experience health, wellbeing, quality relationships, personal success and how to deal with the challenges of life. Unfortunately many of us did not.

Nourishing yourself in a way that helps you blossom in the direction you want to go is attainable,  and you are worth the effort.  Deborah Day

If we have unfulfilled needs they tend to fester and break out.  They may break out as irritation, passive aggressive or outright aggressive behaviors.  These behaviors have damaging effects on our health, wellbeing, relationships, and consequently our life.   As an adult it is our responsibility to develop our Self-Care skills so we can be both self-determined and respectful.   To do this we need the skills of self-awareness, empathy, creativity, negotiation, decision-making, action taking, and accountability.   Learning these skills are Self-Care essentials.

Self-Care means being able to give the best of yourself,  rather than what is left of yourself.   Katie Reed

If you already have many of these skills, in honor of Self-Care Day I suggest you put aside time to consider an act of kindness for your self and your loved one’s and action it as soon as possible.   For kindness is another foundation of Self-Care.

If you are struggling with your personal Self-Care, I recommend giving yourself permission to not only determine but also meet your personal need and desires.   First steps include taking the time to consider what actions make you feel better and which do not.  AND committing to doing more of what helps you feel better.  Start with the simple things.   Perhaps taking time to read a good book, talk with a friend, sitting down to savor a nourishing bowl of fruit salad, or vegetable soup.   Importantly, know you deserve to enjoy your life and that the little things that nourish you are the backbone to doing so.

What action are you taking today to enhance your Self-Care?

How are you celebrating International Self-Care Day?

Other potential resources:

For specific ideas of Self-Care check out: 45 Simple Self-Care Practices for a Healthy Mind, Body, and Soul.

Self-Awareness exercises.

The Art of Empathy by Karla McLaren

Crucial Accountability by Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and Ron McMillan

Advertisements

Befriending Your Emotions II: A better way.

Emotional intelligence and health are key to your over all health, wellbeing and life satisfaction.   This is because emotional health is the foundation to effective relationships and as social beings we are dependent on others.  This dependence is embedded in our physiology.   It is deeply ingrained within our pain, pleasure, survival, and growth aspects.   Emotional health is part of our physiological, as well as, our psychological beingness.  Emotional intelligence has four key aspects: self-awareness, self-regulation, self-determination and other-awareness or relationship management.   Each aspect builds upon the previous.

We need to be self-aware, have self-regulation and determination to be able to effectively be other-aware, so we can have fulfilling relationships. Fulfilling relationships are key to our health and life satisfaction.  To move from a place of disconnection to self-awareness, from survival mode to personal growth and life satisfaction we need to Befriend our Emotions and connect with our self and live a self-determined life.   This in turn supports us to experience fulfilling relationships and life satisfaction.   This is not up for debate it is reality.

While we need to build up from self-awareness, developmentally, I will encourage you to begin with self-determination.   This is because as adults we are responsible for our own life.   It is essential to let go of any thought that it is up to someone else.   As an adult you can and are responsible for making decisions for yourself and take responsibility for the outcome.  This is the foundation for ownership of your life.   So if you are looking for life satisfaction and fulfilling relationships, begin by give yourself permission to claim your own life, to be yourself, to meet your own needs and desires and be responsible for yourself.

Next, identify your needs, preferences, desires and values.  What is important to you?   This is the process of being self-aware. To be self-aware is the opposite of the disconnection experienced when suppressing and denying emotions.   It requires you to slow down and pay attention; this is paying proper attention, to what your body and emotions are telling you.  To develop your inner connection, begin by distinguishing between what feels right or comfortable and what does not.  This is the first indication of your needs, preferences, desires and values.

Once you have identified your needs, preferences, desires and values you can begin to fulfill them.  You can start with one or two, if you like, just start somewhere.   If required give yourself permission to meet the chosen needs or desires.  Remember to do so respectfully.   As you work with your selection and become more comfortable with the process, other needs and desires will reveal themselves.   And so your journey continues.

From there you can begin to distinguish between different emotions and what they are trying to tell you.   Start with those emotions that are strongly pushing their way into your awareness.  Then move onto listening for your emotions before they become so intense.   All the emotions have subtle forms, just many of us don’t recognise them.

Self-regulation really becomes important as we tap into suppressed and denied emotions, we can become rather reactive, rather than respectfully responsive.  To be respectful of all it is important to respond to your needs, desires and values effectively.   If you don’t these physiological and psychological needs will seep out, cause reactions (unconscious actions) with your loosing the power of choice. Self-regulation is foundational to the Power of Choice.

At the same time be patient with yourself as you move from a place of ‘reactive’ action to one of responsive action by choice.   You are developing your ability to practice authenticity; your actions align with your intentions, things won’t always go smoothly.   Yet you are still moving forward if you keep cycling back to self-determination and focus on improvement.

You need the skills of self-awareness, self-regulation and self-determination before you can learn to manage relationships effectively.   These skills promote your ability to be authentic, fulfill your needs and desires plus distinguishing yourself from others.   Becoming other aware, recognising others as separate individuals, will enable you to manage your relationships, respectful cooperation relationships based in equality and mutuality, effectively.   All of this is embedded in your physiology such that by developing these skills you will become more comfortable, satisfied, healthier and happier.   You will enjoy a more satisfying and pleasurable life.