Ok I confess for sooo long I lived for others. Trying to do the ‘right thing’. Trying to keep others ‘happy’. Even trying to ‘stay out of trouble’. Well after many many years I have come to accept: no matter what I do there is no ‘right thing’, its not possible to keep others ‘happy’ nor am I able to ‘stay out of trouble’. The truth is everyone wants something different and it’s just not possible to please others, especially not all the time.
The truth is the only way anyone is going to truly be happy, with his or her life and relationships, is to be self-determined, to live by their own rules and standards. Each person needs to do this for him or herself. No I’m not saying to ignore others. That would be disrespectful and wrong in my book. Nor am I saying stop caring about others and your impact on them. That would be a breach of my core values of caring kindness and respect.
What I am saying is, it is essential to know what is important to you, and how to look after yourself. To choose to live in such a way as to fulfil your needs and desires and trust you will find others who are like-minded.
To empower you to live a Self-Determined life here are five steps to being Self-Determined and experiencing greater Life Satisfaction.
First reveal what is important to you. And I do mean YOU. Not what you have been told is important. You might need to give yourself permission to seek out and reveal what is important to you. If so go ahead.
Now, how to reveal the things that are important to you? Well think of the things you enjoy doing, the things that inspire you into action. The things you do naturally and think nothing of. These are good indications they are important to you.
Second start discovering ways to have more of these things in your life. Some maybe easy to achieve, perhaps you love reading (OK I do). So ensure you get to read often, if not every day. Oh and what you love reading. I knew a lad who didn’t want to read at all, he was into learning practical skills. Yet when provided with the catalogues for the local hardware stores reading became a thing to do. He didn’t love reading but he did love doing practical tasks and discovering the best tools at the best price, which enabled him to get more tools so, he could do more practical things. Sometimes we do things we don’t love doing simply because they give us more of what we do love doing.
Other things will not be so easy. For example I love empowering others. Facilitating them learning things they want to learn and enabling them to do more of what they want. This takes more skill and positioning. So I work on that, knowing I am increasing the chances to do so magnificently.
Third consider the type of person you want to be? What qualities do you want to uphold? Perhaps you want to be an explorer? Yet the very idea is overwhelming. Ok, so consider something small you could explore. The local parkland. The best place to find magnificent coffee or hot chocolate. Then go do it. As you build confidence in practicing this activity you will find it easier do it more. Do you want to be seen as a caring person? What would that look like how would you enact it. Do it? Think of a number of qualities, select one and work on that until it is part of you. Then choice the next one and continue on.
Fourth consider the type of person you want to hang out with. Do you want to hang out with people that are supportive kind considerate? What would these people be like, what actions would they take? Look for them and spend more time with the people who act this way. Spend more time with people you enjoy.
Fifth consider your long term desires. What do you want to be known for? What are the dream things you’d like to do? Yet are currently out of reach. List them and start developing plans for achieving these and then start actioning the plan. Small steps are still steps. Often once on your chosen path amazing things happen and you find you achieve your desires sooner than you expect.
Follow these five steps and see what a difference they can make to the quality of your life. Remember this is not about being disrespectful of others. It is important to consider others, practice caring kindness while enhancing your life.
It is about being respectful to yourself.
How to do both at the same time??? That is another blog for sure.